never play flip cup with pint glasses
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
