so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
