where am i from again
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
