I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
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he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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