1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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