I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
