My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We have started to decorate penises.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
