She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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