no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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