her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
