We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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