How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
