i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
