I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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