Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
