your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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