So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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