Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
