Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
