I heard we made out
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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