He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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