I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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