Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
