i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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