She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Buhtt sex?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
