you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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