If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
