Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
