the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
