Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
