i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
