I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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