Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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