my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
