1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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