She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
wow bdsm is so cute
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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