So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
