Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
