It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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