I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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