I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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