If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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