So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
