It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there was a trapeze. enough said
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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