I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
