i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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