I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize