yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
