a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I need to align my fucking chakras
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