Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
