My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
