For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
