Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
