she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
