we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
