sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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