I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
