Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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