I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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