Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize