We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
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Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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