Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
