Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
