You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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