People in love make me want to vomit
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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