I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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