I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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