I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
