were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
