why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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