Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
