I just saw a hot homeless man
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
