SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
