this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize