i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
