I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
