I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
